Category: pregnancy

Baby, blogging, boys, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Parenting, pregnancy, ultrasound

Long time no post…

Olof

Hello everyone,

It has been a long time since I posted my last blog post and just typing this seems really odd to me. I feel rusty and not quite sure where to start. My last post was almost 10 months ago. I posted about choosing to be home with my family instead of going back out into the workforce and what that takes in effort for me. The last 10 months have not been easy. I have stumbled and gotten back up over and over. I have wished I was working many times. I have also been thankful for being home and being here for my kids moments many times. Finding a balance for a mother is hard and some of the biggest news since I posted last is that we are expecting baby boy #4. That is right.

This came as a huge surprise to us. We believed that our family was complete. I was sure that I would not want to give birth again after my last being 11lbs and 14oz. We were preventing. I cried for a couple of weeks but then I held out for the hope that just maybe this was a gift from the universe and I might just be having the little girl I always wanted. When I found out that was not the case it was even harder to carry this baby. All the aches and pains became worse. The thought of going through labor and delivery of another giant baby became harder to process. I’m having another giant boy. It has already been confirmed. I am now on a special low carb diet so that I can try to do something to limit his weight gain. This makes this pregnancy even less fun. No ice cream or any of the other food I crave.

Since mom died over 2 years ago I have struggled with my faith. When I found out I was pregnant this time the thought that I might be getting a little girl resparked my faith for a little time, sort of holding out hope that maybe mom sent me the little girl I always longed for. But when I found out that this was a little boy my faith crumbled again. I love my boys. I would never return them. I’m sure that this is a blessing and I just haven’t seen it yet. Maybe this child will be the easiest kid ever. Maybe labor and delivery will be no problem unlike last time. Maybe this will be the kid that sleeps through the night sooner than age 2. Maybe…….. But I’m not holding my breath because this is a human child that is born to me and the likelihood that he will be that much more different than my other children is slim to none.

I turned 34 yesterday and I had told myself that I would not have more children after the age of 32. I’m only 2 years younger than my mom was when she had me. Mom has been at all my births until now. Now she is gone. Now my husband and I need to do this on our own. Now I need to put my big girl pants on and face the music. My baby is due on Dec. 9th and my babies have all been at least 5 days past due so I will have a newborn this Christmas. Still bonding. Still getting breastfeeding down. Usually at 2-3 weeks my nipples are cracked and bleeding. I worry about making this Christmas magical for my children. I worry about a lot of things having this 4th child in 7 and a half years. I worry about my abilities to keep up and meeting everybody’s needs. There is only one of me and now a 4th child and a husband that really need my attention and my love.

New  baby clothes from Target

Knitting a little jump suit for the belly dweller.

I am trying hard to do things to bond and make sure that I greet this baby with open arms and an open heart. I have gone to therapy to work through my feelings, I have done some shopping since I had gotten rid of All of the baby stuff we had and Alex had outgrown before we found out that we were expecting again. I try to appreciate those belly moments where he is active and be thankful for all the other great things in my life. I know as soon as he is in my arms I will love him as much as I have loved all of my children. Thank goodness for my bodies ability to form bonding chemicals. I become that crazy mom that can’t let my baby out of my sight and you better not touch it with out asking permission first unless you are family.

I will end this post here. I could go on and on about how rough the summer was being pregnant with 3 small boys and the pelvic pain that started in the 3rd month but I believe that you get the point. As much as children are a blessing being a parent is hard and being pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy and having 3 other young boys is really hard. Especially when you don’t have a village.

What are your struggles at the moment and how are you being mindful and working in a direction of healing and happiness?

Baby, family, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, Mai Tais., outside, play, pregnancy

Late Saturday Family Update.

Olof
M being his amazing self

As the season is changing from smoldering hot summer days to livable fall days my boys are becoming less indoors-men and playing more and more outside. Not that you can tell by their florescent white skin. We have this great trampoline that they use a lot but what keeps them occupied for so many moments is the dirt and the cats. They have kept a part of our lawn as dirt for them to play with their shovels and trucks. It makes me so happy when they have been busy outside for a while and they are dirty from head to toe. The fact that they have been doing some healthy developmental play outside and getting in touch with the ground is important to me and those evening baths they take together where the water turns brown are sweet memories that can not be taken away.

Out in the back yard with my dad.

Saying that, I know I have not been doing my connecting with the earth. My garden has been ignored but this fall I plan to grow a fall garden. I plan to plant some garlic, chard, kale, spinach and other cold loving plants. But first, I have to take my garden back from nature. I will do a post just on that with a before and after photo.

Rainy day on Sunday watching Netflix on the iPad
M reading a book

As I feel my body heal more and more from birth I am getting more and more done. I have more and more energy the more Alexander sleeps between feedings and needs to be changed less and less at night. I’m also growing accustom to having three children under the age of five and having to have more hands than I in reality do. I’ve learned many things like how valuable a good Baby Carrier is to a mother of active boys. I’m getting use to my routine of washing cloth diapers, keeping up with dishes, baking our daily bread and teaching my boys and meeting my baby’s every need.

Right there he just realized how to suck his thumb

Reminding myself to breath this little human being in and realizing that there will be no more babies in my life is a bitter sweet thing. I love babies. I love nursing and having to take that time out with them to be close and enjoy each others time. What a beautiful thing. But this pregnancy was rough all around and I can’t do that to me or my family again. Plus, I don’t know how we are going to afford just to feed this lot once they hit their teens. They already devour so much more than we would ever have though a child would need to eat but to watch them eat what I have made with love is the best kind of gratitude they could show me for my actions.

http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, kids, Legos, Malabrigo, Mitered Cross Blanket, Parenting, pregnancy, Snowbird Cardigan, Stripes, Yarn

Long Time Coming Knitting Update.

Olof
OK, so I´ve been a little pregnant lately and not posted much.

I had some serious nesting to do and still do. But here is what has happened on the knitting front. I missed my Ravellenic Games goal by a long shot but I´m not sad. I´m so glad that I started this Snowbird Cardigan in the Malabrigo Arroyo that I had on hand. I was worried about the stripes but I really enjoy the way they have turned out so far. I will be so happy when I finish it. Here is what I have finished.

I have also knit more on my Miter Cross Blanket. I´m pretty sure that I will run out of the Eco+ before I finish which will lead to me having to buy more yarn which I have said I won´t do. I´m using the left over Lambs Pride that I had from knitting the princess and the pea doll for the color part. I have one more project that is on hold until I finish some more of my yarn before buying more yarn to finish it.

And what am I doing with the boys today to keep them occupied and happy? It´s a Lego sort of a day.

And how pregnant am I really? 35 weeks. Look like I’m about to give birth to triplets though.

What are you knitting? How did the Ravellenic games go for you?

52 week challenge, clothes, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, organizing, Parenting, pregnancy

Saturday Personal Update.

Olof

M with his cool new shades from PA

O with his cool new Shades from PA
I know it´s blurred but That is M and my belly!

This week was lazy. Not just lazy but everybody was sick. My husband was home from work for 3 days and he never stays home because of illness. The boys ran a fever too. My asthma was working up again too. I´m 30 weeks pregnant now. Only 10 more weeks left but I’m HUGE. I look more than full term at the moment and I move like I´m about to pop tomorrow. I´m uncomfortable and tired. Feeling sorry for my children that I feel that I´m not meeting their needs to explore outside of the home. But with being home as much as we are they are having a blast with make believe while I sit on the couch, knit and gestate. They are being feed at the right time and healthy food, we have art time and they get plenty of attention. It´s just I feel that they deserve better at this point. It´s so hot outside during the day that just thinking about stepping a foot outside makes me want to sit under my AC vent on my loveseat. I remember feeling the same way the last time I was pregnant but then O didn´t have anybody to play with. Now the boys have each other and most of the time they have so much fun. I try to tell myself this is only for the next few months but a few months is forever to a 2 and 4 year old. But I am doing the best I can with what I have. That is all I can do.

OK, to my 52 week challenge. This week is O´s clothes. He is my 4 year old and will hopefully go into the 4 year old program this fall. So not only do I need to put the clothes that don´t fit anymore into storage but I also need to figure out how many pairs of pants I need to buy for the fall and how many shirts and sweaters. I will be using my Banker boxes for the clothes that are too small for O but too big for M and it will be stored in my closet. There are several jeans that O wore last year that have ripped at the knee but I plan on patching them for home use for M when he gets big enough to wear them.

On the knitting front I am back from my knitting block that I had last year. I want to knit everything! I´m only limited by the stash that I have already. I´m on a yarn diet and am not allowed to buy any more yarn til I have finished at least 75% of the stash that I have already. I hope to become the knitter that only buys yarn that I am just about to use for a specific project and actually finish that project before picking up the next.

How has your week been?

finals, holidays, housework, life, Parenting, pregnancy, toddler

End of Semester Mess.

Olof

So it’s the end of the semester and finals are quickly approaching. I have 5 reaction papers due tomorrow and I am having a hard time starting anything. Because of my anxiety of having so much to do I even have a hard time keeping up with housework. It is normal at this house for the house to go to pot when finals or final projects are almost due. It’s like the project is so great that I have to do for school that I can’t even think about unloading or loading the dishwasher but it’s not like I’m doing homework in stead. I’m probably just sitting on the couch with my laptop in hand doing what I am doing right now or stuck on Facebook dreading the fact that I have to do all of this work that I am honestly too tired to do after not getting a full nights sleep in years.
All I need to do is get started and chip at these 5 reaction papers one at a time but all I see is 5 reaction papers that are all due tomorrow and I haven’t started. It becomes so grand that my brain goes on overload and crashes and turns me into this zombie that just sits on the couch and does nothing even though there are plenty of things to do. Am I alone in this process of waiting till the last min to get everything done and then when it comes down to it it’s finished and then I can get back to my life? My home literally goes from being a pigsty to being nice in about a week after finals.
I know I am doing way too many things at once most of the time and I guess that is why I get so overwhelmed. I’m knitting X-mas presents, keeping a home, taking care of my toddler, I threw a dinner party on Sunday, getting ready for the holidays, studying for finals,32 weeks pregnant, running my own business, getting ready to go back to Iceland to have this baby and doing 11 hours in grad school. I just don’t know where to stop if I want to get to where I want to be. Is it greedy of me to want to finish grad school now so that I can enjoy my children better later with a better income?

Anyway, Peace out I need ot start my 1 of 5 papers for Dr. Coopers

coffee, grad school, home work, http://schemas.google.com/blogger/2008/kind#post, milk, motherhood, pregnancy

Eurika!

Olof

So we figured out why my son was getting so sick the last few weeks. He has been vomiting and 3 nights in a row he threw up all night long. Came to find out that he suddenly could not handle the cows milk before bed. Now that he only gets a little milk here and there through the day he is doing a lot better. Last night was hard though. He is getting teeth and was waking up every hour and man am I beat.

He seems to almost always have nights like this the night before I have a big project do for school and need to be able to work fast while he takes a nap and when he goes to daycare. Today is going to be rough and I think I might finish a full cup of coffee today to try to keep myself going. I really don´t like doing that. A cup is considered safe during pregnancy but I try to keep myself at half a cup each day. I´m just so tired today that writing this blog post is actually an effort.

To do today:
Finish bio for Family Therapy
Type the 2 reaction papers I hand wrote on saturday at Barns & Noble
Read today´s chapter and write a 2 page reaction paper for it
Clean the kitchen
and make it to class on time.

Any extra energy that anybody can give me now would be greatly appreciated.

housework, motherhood, pregnancy, Rumba

About to plant my fall garden.

Olof

So my summer garden got left out in the heat of the summer and morning sickness and tiredness of being pregnant. Now I´m in the second trimester and felling so much better. We found out that I am pregnant with a boy. Yay! Two boys close in age. Fun times.
Anyway, this weekend will be spent cleaning up the summer garden and planting my fall garden so that we can have fresh salads, potatoes, peas and in the spring some leek, onion, and garlic.
I have a few projects on the knitting needles as well. 2 are gifts so I will not be showing them here till I´m done. I´m also working on a shrug for me. The only thing I can make for myself right now that I can use while pregnant and when I´m not. We will see how it goes. Now that I know that I am having a boy I want to knit lots of little boy clothes that I didn´t get to making for my older son.
Fall classes have started and this semester I´m taking assessment, Family Therapy, and Group Therapy. Then this January when this baby is do I will start my year leave from grad school. I´m going to enjoy being with my children and doing the best that I can for them and my husband.

On another note, I got my birthday present from dear husband early this year and it was a rumba vacuum. It is the best gift he could have given me. My floors are so clean now of cat hair and dust and cheerios. You know the normal things that end up on the floor when you have a 17 month old. But who would have thought that you can have a robot clean your floors for you. Just turn it on and do something else . Or do nothing. It´s like having someone come in and clean for you.
I also started using the pledge multi surface and I clean so much faster. All I need to clean is my roomba and the pledge multi surface and I have the room clean in no time.

Oh, one more thing that I am taking on since I will not be in school this up coming year is me and a friend are starting a podcast. It will cover the normal day to day life of a modern eco-conscious mom and things that are going on in the world. It will mostly be me and a mom hanging out, her drinking wine and talking and me not drinking wine but probably indulging on some really good tea or a new gourmet chocolate.